| hmmmft. |
[01 Feb 2007|02:57pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 nervous |
] |
I'm so nervous for this weekend. I just don't want to imagine the embarrassment and shame I'll feel if I don't go onto Sectionals. Last year, the entire team made it to sectionals. I'm worried our whole team will do well, sans myself. Fuckkkkk. My stomach's churning.
It's snowing out. and for the first time in a while, I want to go play in it...
Ryan's got a boyfriend. Hah. I guess I need to catch up. They are happy. It sucks seeing them together though, not only because it's just... awkward. But because it's weird as hell to see him be even remotely physical with someone else. Good for him though, right? Right. We're still best friends. No one, including a new boy, will come between that. I don't think...
Plans for the next few days are as followed:
Thursday -
+ School
+ Home for a bit
+ New speech suit
+ Haircut
+ Hanging out with Ryan?
+ NO MUSICAL REHEARSAL!
Friday -
+ School
+ Home
+ "Mock Regional" (entire team + family members are coming) at the school
+ SLEEP EARLY
Saturday -
+ Regionals at 7:30 am
+ Making it to Sectionals?
+ Not making it to Sectionals?
+ Either way, PARTYING.
Sunday -
+ Church
+ Taco Bell with Ryan and Kyle
+ Chilling out the rest of the day
"The Eskimos had fifty-two names for snow because it was important to them: there ought to be as many for love."
Margaret Atwood
|
|
| You always said you liked the red grapes the most. |
[07 Sep 2006|06:31pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 depressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"Colorblind" |
] |
I really did love you.
Please don't do this to yourself.
I will pay for 30 million Steak N Shake meals.
I will fake liking even the worst of coffee.
Is this some sort of early "birthday present"?
Just don't do this.
I really did do love you.
I've decided that sometimes my efforts are kind of pointless...
|
|
| Into the dark... |
[19 Jul 2006|02:52am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 content |
] |
My biggest acomplishment of the week:
watching all of Death Cab's video
for I Will Follow You Into The Dark.
I walked away tear-free.
My heart ached a bit.
But... aching is okay once in a while.
I hope you are enjoying yourself.
|
|
| Sound off, we're going to L.A. |
[18 Jul 2006|12:02pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 bouncy |
] |
We are not going to Ireland until the 23rd.
Ryan's uncle is going into surgery on the 21st.
His mom wants to be in the states
while her brother is going under the knife.
I guess that's fair.
I'm still a bit mad.
Ah, but I shall get over it.
Soon.
We are leaving in 5 days.
My little sister's birthday is today.
I got her a few gifts while spending time in Chicago.
Which was wonderful.
I would have liked to see Hunter,
but I got over it every time I looked at how adorable Ryan was
trying to navigate through the city.
Alright,
I'm going to end this.
I'm crazy bored.
|
|
|
[17 Jul 2006|04:44pm] |
I hate goodbyes.
They aren't ever fair.
|
|
|
[16 Jul 2006|01:17am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 TIRED. Excited. Content. |
] |
I feel better.
Thanks to...
Kelli [the card was beyond nice of you]
Scott [thank you for contributing to my revival]
Brandon [I'm glad things are alright between us]
Ryan [mmm :)]
My mother [odd, I know]
Ireland in...
4 days!
|
|
|
[14 Jul 2006|05:08pm] |
I'm feeling a bit odd lately.
All I've wanted to do is get drunk and forget.
Everything.
Mainly a specific boy.
Things got so stale so fast.
And I shouldn't care, right?
I mean... I am perfectly content with Ryan, right?
...Right?
I don't know...
I'm leaving for Ireland in about 6 days.
I'm nervous.
My best friend is leaving [on the 21st] to go live in Colorado
to be with some boy he met on myspace.
I'm upset.
He completely admitted that he probably won't see me again.
He could have lied to make me feel better about all of it.
I don't knwo what to think anymore.
I need help.
|
|
| Um so. |
[14 Jul 2006|03:02pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sick |
] |
Hangovers aren't fun.
|
|
|
[14 Jul 2006|12:33am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 DRUNK |
] |
Im drunk/
I amde out with rbandon.
mhmasmhdfl hahaha
|
|
| Manly Man |
[12 Jul 2006|07:08pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 calm |
] |
I don't care about the computer much anymore.
I don't care about a lot anymore.
Cornerstone was nice.
I met a lot of genuinely amazing people.
I miss them all very dearly already.
I plan on driving to Baton Rouge to visit a whole lot of them soon.
Spending an entire week with Ryan was amazing.
And I get to spend another entire two with him soon.
This could either make our break a relationship.
My fingers are crossed.
( Listen To and LOVE Bradley Hathaway )
|
|
|
[10 Jul 2006|01:38pm] |
Happy Birthday.
I am too sure that you hate me to tell it to you any other way.
|
|
| UpsideDown.InsideOut. |
[30 Jun 2006|12:21am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
content |
] |
Ryan and I are going back out.
For the 1 millionth time.
I'm happy with him.
Finally.
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
My Next few weeks are sure to be busy.
Friday, June 30th
12-5pm: Babysitting
6-10pm: Drew's Birthday Party
10.30-whenever: Tim's Birthday party
Saturday, July 1st
6-whenever: Party at Kyle's.
Sunday, July 2nd
8-10am:Church
12-2.30: Driving to Rockford
4-12pm: All American Rejects Concert in Rockford [starts at 6]
Afterwards: Staying the night in Rockford at Kyle's huge ass mansion.
Tuesday, July 4th
I.HAVE.NO.CLUE.WHAT.TIME: HUGE party are Liz's.
July 5-9th
Cornerstone Christian Music Festival
Sunday, July 16th
12am-whenever: Chicago. Getting sister present for her birthday.
Tuesday, July 18th
All day: Rebekah's birthday party
July 20th-August 3rd
Ireland with Ryan/his family
Thursday, August 7th
Uncle's birthday
AFTER THAT
School Shopping.
Start of Senior year.
Mae concert in Chicago.
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
yikes.
<3
|
|
|
[28 Jun 2006|07:00pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
cheerful |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"L'Via L'Viaquez" - The Mars Volta |
] |
New Dog:
Black Lab Mix.
Female.
Abandonned by family.
3 years of age.
Previously referred to as Gillian.
New Name [Given By Me]: Sparxxx.
Currently: Sleeping right next to me.
Family meeting tonight to determine her "real" name.
I will still call her Sparxxx.
No matter what.
|
|
|
[28 Jun 2006|04:07pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 blah |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"Japanese Gum" - Her Space Holiday |
] |
I got to run around town with some of my best friends yesterday.
Nice and Bad.
At about 9pm, Kyle told me he is moving to Colorado to be with this boy he likes.
I was extremely upset.
He is one of my best friends.
He can't just...leave.
Things with "the love interest" are odd.
I don't know.
We are drifting.
This always happens.
We get close.
Really close.
Then something happens and we drift.
I don't like it.
But what can I do at this point?
Hopefully things will fix themselves like usual.
Things with ryan are also very odd.
As our trip to Ireland nears,
we are getting closer again.
I love it.
I love him.
He is my one and only life long best friend.
I will never... ever not have strong feelings towards him.
I can't.
And I really cannot wait to spend the best 2 weeks of my life with him.
I couldn't ask for any better companion.
Speaking of companions.
We are getting a dog today.
I don't know how to feel about this.
We already have 4 cats.
And I don't want to responsibility of taking care of another, larger animal.
Plus, the dog my family wants isn't even cute.
Also, I haven't been having any horrible dreams recently,
which is good news.
Let's keep it up, subconcious mind!
Time to go adopt a dog.
|
|
| That's really none of your business. |
[27 Jun 2006|12:28am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
sad |
] |
aint that the truth.
I've given up on all of this.
I need to hang out with:
Kyle.
Shannon.
Rachel.
Brandon.
andddd
RYAN.
before I die.
|
|
| I've shown you the way out. |
[26 Jun 2006|12:01pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 worried |
] |
Is my seat in hell assured even more when I say that I hope you meet him and find him beyond untolerable?
I don't care.
I'm starting to accept the fact that some people can't be beaten at much. [him being one of the lucky few]
Does he have more talent than I do? [Perhaps]
Does he look better next to you than I do? [Most likely]
Better grades? [Probably]
Bigger house? [Of course]
I can promise you with all seriousness that I have more heart than he could ever imagine possible. And I hope that someday that will be enough for you.
On another, less important, note, I have been having terrible dreams recently. The night before last, I had a dream about a kid bringing a bomb to a show. After a long negotiation process, he ended up committing suicide. Last night I had a dream that my friend, Brandon, made Rachel, Drew, Murphy, Drew's mom, and myself all line up on our knees with our hands on our eyes so we couldn't see. He then went to each of us and held a gun to different parts of our bodies [i.e. Neck, torso, spine, etc] I was the first he did this to. After he passed me, he went onto Rachel. I looked over at her through my fingers. He saw me looking and stormed back to my side. With the gun to my head he said, "Peyton. You are always here for all of your friends. But once you need the help, you try to take it all on by yourself. You need to realize that your friends are here to help you. You aren't invincable. Trust me...". Right before he shot, I woke up.
Odd, indeed.
God. I really hope you hate him.
|
|
| You think too much; I like it. |
[23 Jun 2006|01:41pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
bouncy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Samson - Regina Spektor |
] |
This is frustrating me.
This stomach feeling.
Which I should not be having.
LETS NOT TALK ABOUT IT.
Why are we just now talking?
Why are you so insanely... interesting.
Why do I feel so compelled to talk to you about the oddest things.
WHY do I like your glasses as much as I do?
Because we are each other's Indigo Children.
That is why, of course.
I am glad you took the leap.
|
|
|
[21 Jun 2006|07:34pm] |
Things are weird.
'nuff said.
|
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